Blog: It was a mistake
I will remember this day for ever. My husband said he expects us to touch on the topic again over the weeks to come. I told him we most definitely will.
I am due to give birth to our thirteenth child today. My whole body is ready to burst. I am thoroughly ripe and fed up with waiting. For many evenings I have already prayed, with some frustration, that the Heavenly Father would finally grant for there to be two of us in the morning. My husband used an old 5 kg iron weight to demonstrate to our children that their mother is carrying that much weight in her tummy. He asked them how they would feel about having to tidy up the mess made by others in that condition.
That good man spoke such loving words and made the kids seriously consider the matter and test the weight with their own hands. On top of that, he has been most helpful and considerate throughout my pregnancy. I couldn’t have asked for more. One evening, for instance, watching my pitiful attempt to turn over and get up for a pee, he gently asked if he could help and roll me over. Roll me over! I laughed so much I almost peed myself. I tried to tell him that he was very kind and helpful, but I did not exactly like his choice of words. I pointed out that a more sensitive person might even be offended if someone offered to “roll” her over.
Today I decided to bake some waiting-for-the-baby goodies for my kids’ snack time, and I was greatly delighted to see my husband arrive. He came mid-morning, unexpectedly early. He gave me such a lovely smile through the kitchen window that my legs went all wobbly. I thought I was so lucky to have that man for a husband.
But it did not last long, only as long as it took him to walk from his car into the kitchen. Maybe just half a minute? He said he had had a covid-19 test made. Just in case, as recommended, because he has this single tiny, not-so-common symptom. He had had a covid-19 test made on my due date!
I stopped loving him pretty quickly. Pressing the pot holders against my flour-covered stomach, I burst out crying. Not because he had had that test made, but because he had done it today. I had meant to have my baby today. And he should not have gone and had that test made, not today. That would have been crystal clear to each and every pregnant mother. It is still perfectly possible for me to have the baby today, but he cannot come along. He will have to wait for the results of the test before he is allowed to enter the hospital. And how long will that take?!
I do not want to have our baby all by myself.
Well, he had not thought about that at all. I saw that he was turning over in his mind the word “mistake”. And so was I, along with some other words. Surely he would not have needed to have a test after a couple of sneezes, not on his wife’s due date anyway.
While I was wailing out my panic, our teenaged daughters advised their father to call the lab. Right now. And ask them to see about his test as soon as possible. Even the girls realized that there was no time to waste. I have had several of our babies before the due date, and we cannot know when and how quickly this newcomer is going to arrive.
He was able to get hold of some lab staff, and they said they would not get the results until tomorrow. But they would try to be quick. In my imagination I saw a group of flabbergasted female lab staff talking about a man who came to have a test on his wife’s due date. I could see them sadly shaking their heads in deep incredulous silence. That image was somehow comforting. And they even sent a text afterwards and promised to be quick.
Woe to this gloom and dejection. Woe to the emotional instability of a pregnant woman. Woe to my poor husband. I was so annoyed I thought that, if I need to leave in the night, I will not even wake up my dear husband in quarantine. I will go and have my baby all by myself and – as my loyal friend suggested – I will not even tell him if it is a boy or a girl. Though he can probably make an educated guess based on the frilly pink garments lying all over the place, I will not confirm it.
And one more thing: I have asked many people to pray that the baby would be born soon. I will withdraw that request. I publicly declare this to be my serious wish: please, do not ask for a quick birth but rather for some extra time. All of a sudden, I feel that I am now ready to carry this little one inside me for another week or two.
Yes, and I could certainly also ask that my husband would test negative, which I assume to be the case anyway. If he tests positive, I will cancel all my evil thoughts and start being a most loving and understanding wife. I promise.
I would never have believed how exciting the end of a pregnancy can be! I imagine myself to be the portly protagonist of a detective story, whose soul mate is in quarantine because of a virus threatening the whole world. I will fight my own battle and, if necessary, I will blow up the bank on my own. If I go into the hospital with this attitude, I will be out with the baby in my arms in no time – all by myself.
Text: Satu Luokkanen
Translation: Sirkka-Liisa Leinonen
You will find the original blog post here.
Minä odotan Herraa kuin vartijat aamua, hartaammin kuin vartijat aamua. Ps. 130:6
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