Blog: Each years makes us older
Text: Kirsti Wallenius-Riihimäki
Translation: Sirkka-Liisa Leinonen
This will be my last blog post for Päivämies – I think. I have been blogging for two years, submitting a post every month.
When I started my “blogging career”, I had already turned 80. I was asked to write about what it is like to be old.
During these two years I have learnt quite a few things about getting old. For instance, one single year is enough to make us feel older. The body shows signs of ageing, thinking becomes slower, we need to search for words. Two years make us feel even older. I have often sat with a writing pad on my lap, staring into the distance: Would it be suitable or otherwise okay to write about where my thoughts are taking me? And can I do it? Will I find the words from my memory before I forget the original idea.
I would not have had the courage to take on this task without you, dear readers, who have told me about the thoughts my texts have aroused in your minds. Even a very short comment like ”your blog post was nice” makes me feel good. It is even more useful if you tell me why you found it good. Probably the most encouraging comment came from a lady in my home zion. She said, ”I have kind of known you for a long time, but through your blog you have become close to me.”
What about now that I will no longer be staring into the distance with a writing pad on my lap, pondering about my next blog post? The babies who were born two years ago are already shown on video running around and saying wonderful things, but their grandma has not yet been able to hold them! And those who were toddlers two years ago are dreaming about preschool. What will their world be like? Development is so fast that I sometimes feel scared.
But things have always been like that. How shocked we were at the turn of the 1950s and 1960s when we heard about satellites and then about the first human being sent into space; would this be the end of the world? It was not. But development gradually made it possible for me to write my text here and you to read it there. Working remotely was not possible at that time. Or what about the fears of the new millennium 22 years ago. There was no catastrophe then either.
So, I can still sit here, staring into the distance and thinking about the people I have come to know. They do not know yet what it is like to grow old; what things change over time, the many things that can fit into an individual’s life, and how a person adjusts to all changes. I feel I am on a divide or a vantage point, where I can look into a mirror and see things like in a dream: through a window one sees ahead, through a mirror one sees back. One needs near vision for some things and long sight for some others.
Maybe I will buy a hard copy of Thomas Erikson’s book Surrounded by Idiots as soon as it becomes available again. I have heard the audio version twice, but it is easier to understand things when you read them. It is fun to view one’s neighbors – and even oneself – based on the author’s ideas.
One of my readers commented on my blog post like this: ”— Like our trust in God. In some way it is self-evident, but then again it is anything but self-evident. I think we need to pray for trust. I remember when, during my cancer treatments, a friend of mine said: ‘You cannot trust in God lightly. You must hang on to Him with both hands. You should actually pray for that trust.’ I think of this at the moments when it is difficult to trust.”
That is how I also want to trust. I really need to hang on to God’s word with “both hands”. God’s reasoning is behind all this. He expresses Himself in the history of nations and the phases of human life.
I thank you for these years. Keep me in your prayers.
Minä odotan Herraa kuin vartijat aamua, hartaammin kuin vartijat aamua. Ps. 130:6
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